so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
