Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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