just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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