Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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