after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
