I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
