I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
