I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
