everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I believe in your delicious
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
