saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
