Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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