I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
