im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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