I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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