Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize