Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
