You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
