WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
At least life still wants to fuck me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
