He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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