I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
