I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
