And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
if only i could text you this smell
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
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i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
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I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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