Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I stole a fireplace last night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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