Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
