Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
