You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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