I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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