I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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