Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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