Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
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the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
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I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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