Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
