Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
