good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You need a sexual gate keeper
You can't just leave with hair like that
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
