Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
