Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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