Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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