i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
