he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
