Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Are my feet made of real feet?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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