guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
now i know why i became what i already was.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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