how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I will pee on everything he values.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just pee around me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
