My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize