oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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