I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
