evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
