the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
