just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
