the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
