Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
