you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
