It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
