Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
