I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
