I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
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i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
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It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize