dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
