it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
