it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
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