Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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