i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize