I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
