I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
