i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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