I must be too annoying 4 u.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
